I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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