Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
