the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
