He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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Sober January is a disaster.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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