Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
