There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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