i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
