Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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