Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
