Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
