Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's blow job season.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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