oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
