it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I want her autograph on my taint
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
