I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
