I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You smell like stripper and shame
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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