So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your cock deserves a montage
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
