I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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