How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
