do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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