ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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