I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
