and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i now understand why vodka
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
