Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
