I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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