so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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