I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
