Fuck appropriateness.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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