ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I deserve this hangover.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
