So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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