I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
