dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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