Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dick very happy bro
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
