Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize