I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
wrigley field is MILF paradise
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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