I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
