I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize