Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
