i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
