I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
