you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
