im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
