So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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