I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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