There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
