Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
