She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
