You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
