Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
