6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
