so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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