Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
