He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
