I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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