The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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