walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
