Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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