He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
