when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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