Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
