Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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