What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
third nipple confirmed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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