they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
