Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
