____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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