4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
