Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
