I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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