This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
