So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's blow job season.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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