Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
