I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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