im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He? As in you personified your dick?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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