hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice