Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.