"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.