Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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