Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
