Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives