Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
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Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.