i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
