Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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