You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
