dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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