too bad you live with your parents still
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Text me some of your sweat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
