The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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